Ensuring Kid’s Social-Emotional Wellbeing During Covid-19

As a public school teacher for over 17 years, I can attest to the above and beyond learning that takes place not just in the classroom, but also in the schools. In addition to the academic content and common core standards, schools meet a child’s needs as social beings to interact, connect, empathize and grow socially and emotionally. As a mindfulness development coach, I left the classroom to fill in the gaps by bringing a mindful approach to teaching, learning and everything in between. For the past two years, I’ve shared mindfulness strategies with teachers and learners to increase stress management, self-regulation and emotional intelligence. As an expert in child development along with my experience as an educator, I have always prioritized students social-emotional wellness. With schools across the globe being closed for so long and the future of in-person learning unknown, this responsibility of taking care of the whole child falls onto parents. Unfortunately needs don’t change just because situations do.

This global crisis affects everything we do and has changed everything we used to do. Everything from how kids learn to how they see their friends, from how they eat to how they get their exercise has changed for almost all of us (homeschoolers and homesteaders aside) Schools, sports and activities have been changed indefinitely leaving so much time and responsibility to parents that many of us have never had to manage before.

As a parent of two healthy, active, elementary aged boys, I witness on a daily basis not only their need to run and climb, but even more so to talk, be silly and connect through interaction.

In the blink of an eye, and most definitely a decision many of us did not choose, it is common to feel like your child’s teacher, parent and playmate all at once. And for many, including myself, this can leave you feeling unhappy, unsuccessful and anxious that your are not doing enough. How can we possibly meet all the needs of our kids and wear all the hats while trying to manage all the other adult responsibilities? We can’t, but here is what we can focus on to ensure that our kids not only survive this pandemic, but actually THRIVE.

Know that this is hard

Guess what? You didn’t choose this and neither did your kids, but here you are teaching “new math,” trying to ignore poor spelling and handwriting, trouble shooting technology issues and helping your kids to meet endless academic demands from your home.

The truth is, teaching is one of the most stressful professions. In addition to the required patience, knowledge and flexibility, a Harvard study found that teachers make the most split second decisions than any other profession (seconded by brain surgeons and air traffic controllers). And because many of us have multiple kids we are trying to home school with varying ages, independence and ability levels, you are probably multi-tasking with the best of them and putting out fires left and right. Not to mention, many of us are also trying to work full time, from home while trying to do all of this.

Cut yourself some slack and lower your expectations. You are not a superhero (unless maybe you are and obviously the world needs you right now) but you can be a super human by simply being human. Acknowledge that you and your family are doing your best and that’s the most important. It may be messy, very messy, and it may look different each day, but as long as you can say each night, “I did my best I could do today,” cut yourself some slack and enjoy some rest. Your kids will not remember what topics they learned through this crisis, as much as they will about how they felt. No child is going to fail their current grade or ruin their chances of an Ivy League school. We are all in this together. Not just here in the US, but across the globe. We are all trying to figure this out and make it work. Especially teachers and administrators.

Focus on how you manage your stress

We also know from extensive research that children mimic the emotional responses of the adults in their lives. Meaning your kids are watching everything you do. They are taking their cues from you, the main adult(s) in their lives. Because this happens neurologically, at a subconscious level, it may not even be something they can put to words or even ask you about.

This is undoubtedly a stressful time and fear is all around us. Even the experts can’t answer all of our questions and this is why we feel powerless. Although we can’t control the pandemic, we can control how we respond. The truth is, we will all feel better if we prioritize keeping our stress response to a minimum.

Self-care is key (and it doesn’t have to be pampering)

Regardless of how cliche and misconstrued this term has become, self-care is all about meeting your needs: physical, emotional/psychological and social as well. It’s awareness and self-regulation at its best. And although bubble baths and pedicures are a nice treat, the self-care I’m talking about does not have to be so lavish. Perhaps it’s avoiding a melt-down and recognizing the need for a break. Perhaps it’s after an unavoidable melt-down and choosing a hug or humor or another form of distraction. You see, just like in life, we don’t get to choose our stress. But learning how to respond to these inevitable ups and downs is crucial for developing resilience. Model self-care so that your kids know how to make good choices for themselves. Tell them why you want to go for a walk or need to lock yourself in the bathroom to cry. No matter how we handle our emotions, our kids need to know that they didn’t cause this and that we will be OK. Even though we break, we can reboot or reset and come back to our perfectly imperfect selves.

Get creative with connection

My kids miss their friends. I miss my friends, but more, I miss people. I miss interacting. One of my mindfulness teachers shared, “It’s easier being in each other’s presence, or in each other’s absence, than in the constant presence of each other’s absence.”

Don’t get me wrong, technology is awesome and I’m so grateful for the ability to “see” friends and teach virtual mindfulness classes, but there is something to be said for live, person to person interaction and connection. As someone who is highly empathetic, I miss the energy exchange that comes from direct contact.

I honestly don’t know what the answer is or how to supplement this, but I know that this isolation will have long lasting effects on our psyche as social beings if we don’t actively seek out opportunities for connection. Perhaps it’s Face Timing more and reaching out to friends and acquaintances just to check in. Maybe it’s doing drive by play dates where one family remains in the car and the other on their property. Maybe it’s starting a coffee talk with your neighbors from your respective front steps or happy hours from your deck or balconies. Whatever it is in the end, we need to get creative and try new ways to connect and be with one another.

You know the saying, “It takes a village?” Never before could that be more important. We need each other, to know we are not alone and our kids need us to reassure them of that often. It’s hard to normalize something so unprecedented and life altering, but we get to choose what we prioritize. If we want our kids to not just come out of this OK, but to be stronger and better than ever, we need to be sure that our actions match our intentions.